I'm Having a Panic Attack!

I'll never forget the Sunday when I should have been sitting on the piano bench playing the piano but couldn't make my way down the aisle to reach my final destination. Oh, I tried! I paced in the foyer...back and forth, back and forth. I tried stepping past the threshold to leave the foyer and enter the sanctuary, but I was frozen. My heart was racing, hands shaking, and then I began to cry. I think the crying came out of frustration from not being able to serve with the praise team that Sunday morning.

I would go on to experience several other panic attacks. For some reason, they would frequently happen on Sunday mornings. I think the enemy was at work in my life. 1 Peter 5:8 reminds us, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

One would think I could easily identify a panic attack after watching my mom become experience them as a child. I recently sought the help of a counselor who reminded me that panic attacks can take on all sorts of shapes. From my experience, there are no two alike, but they do carry similar characteristics.

I always knew a panic attack was coming when I became short of breath. I would blow dry my hair in the bathroom or put on my face, as I like to say while applying make-up, and feel like someone punched me in the gut causing me to lose my breath. I would stop what I was doing and lay on my bed. I practiced inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth. It is amazing what breathing can do to help calm our bodies. I still use breathing exercises while driving in my car (which seems to be the place where I most experience anxiety these days).

I made an appointment with my medical doctor who was so loving and kind. At first, she told me thank you for coming in and seeking medical advice to help with my anxiety. She truly wanted to see me get past this anxiety and bouts of depression. She wanted me to try Xanax at night to help me sleep and begin an anti-depressant. Neither of these drugs worked well with my body. The anti-depressant not only made me feel more depressed, but it also made me want to vomit-literally. For an entire 24-hour period, my body tried hard to throw up this medicine that it despised.

Realizing medicine was not a good fit for my body, God showed me there are other ways to combat anxiety. I began running at night to help me sleep. It worked! I also started eating better: vegetables, protein, less sugar, etc. Eating right gave me more energy. Plus, I began to lose weight which not only helped me physically but also helped my self-esteem. I also began writing positive affirmations for others in our church. I realized when I took my eyes off my current situation and placed my attention onto the lives of others, I was so much happier. I have always thrived on serving others.

Most importantly, I began seeking out God's Word. During this time of struggle, we were covering the Book of Philippians on Wednesday night church. I loved these verses so much that I would go home and reread each chapter throughout the week.

God gave me the idea to write my favorite scriptures on Post-It notes and stick them on my kitchen cabinets. If you have a minute, I would love to share some verses with you from Philippians that gave me hope and helped me get through my day. (I hung them in my kitchen so I could read Paul's encouraging words before leaving to school each morning).

"He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ" Phil. 1:6.

"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself" (Phil. 2:3).

"Do all things without complaining and disputing, 15 that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain" (Phil. 2:14-16).

"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 3:12-14).

"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" (Phil. 4:4).

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:6-7).

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things" (Phil. 4:8).

I'll end there because this verse has helped the most to refocus and reframe my thoughts while battling anxiety. Like my counselor noted, anxiety will not go away. She taught me to ask myself three questions when battling anxious thoughts...

1. Is it true?

2. Is it accurate?

3. Is it helpful?

Trust me, I don't have all the answers, but God does. He knows when I struggle the most, and He knows my thoughts. I am glad I serve a God who will never leave me nor forsake me (Deut. 31:6). I also thankful that when my thoughts are all over the place that He never changes. I can trust Him to be the same God day after day.

If you are experiencing anxiety and need someone to listen, I would love to hear from you. You can contact me through my website or email me at whitneysparks4110@gmail.com. ~ Whit