Learning to Give Myself Grace

Do you ever feel like you are being tested by God? I do. Let me give you an example.

Last week, I listened to a webinar about the dangers of perfectionism. We started out by taking an assessment. I could relate to every statement on the list.

• Fear of failure

• Feelings of inadequacy

• Holding myself to a high standard

• Putting off completing tasks until they are near perfect

• Needing more time than others

• Things have to be "just right"

• Picky (oh, this one fits me to a TEE!)

• Impatient with myself and others

(Source: LearntoLive)

Of course the coaches went on to discuss the physical and emotional problems that stem from trying to attain a life of perfectionism. Here is where my feet would meet a friend named faith.

The next day, I noticed errors in my latest devotional book Beauty Rises Again: From Brokenness to New Beginnings. I think Grammarly came behind me and tried to "fix" my East Texas accent and changed some of the words completely. So I stayed up late one night fixing all the errors and republished my book. Of course, I was frustrated. I am not one to ask people to pay for an imperfect product. I felt embarrassed and ashamed.

Then, another mistake happened at work. I have been recreating a 300-page manual along with smaller manuals for an upcoming class. After my boss sent the manuals to the print shop, I noticed the PDFs contained several mistakes. I could not believe it! I spent hours on getting these manuals just right since instructors are coming next week to practice teaching before the participants come in September. Now, I fear what will be said in front of everyone regarding these mistakes.

As my anxiety began to mount, I took a deep breath and allowed God to speak truth into my life.

For starters, God is not upset with me for the mistakes I made in my devotional book or those manuals. He loves me. Psalm 103:10-12 says, "He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him." Because of our sinful nature, we deserve death, and yet He loves us.

Secondly, I am very green in my current job. I have a lot to learn after only being there for 8 months. I love my job, and I am extremely thankful for the new things I learn each day. Plus, I have the ability to share Jesus with my co-workers and pray for them. Colossians 3:23-24 says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." I doubt God is upset over a manual when He gave me an open door to share my testimony and I walked through it.

A friend in Sunday School reminded us all how Jesus showed grace when He went to the cross. Grace is a gift that cannot be earned through my hard work or good deeds. Because of Jesus, our sin debt has been paid (John 3:16). The question is, do we allow ourselves grace? Can you look past your mistakes and see a Father who stands waiting to hold you in the grip of His grace?