"If You Had Been Here"...Grieving Over a Loved One or Friend

Are you grieving from the loss of a friend or loved one? Is it hard to get out of bed and get dressed? Do you find it difficult to complete simple tasks like eating, taking a shower, driving down the road?

I can relate. I grieved when my child left home. I remember my father-in-law calling me outside Buccee's to tell me that when a child grows up and moves away, parents go through the same grieving process as someone who had a loved one pass away.

Saying goodbye to my child was hard. I had panic attacks for the first time and isolated myself from the world. I would celebrate small victories like leaving my house, driving my car, and spending time around people. Those once-simple tasks were hard to accomplish when my heart had a gaping hole in it.

Mary and Martha knew the pain of grief after losing their brother, Lazarus. They both approached Jesus with the same grief stricken statement, "Lord, if You had only been here my brother would not have died" (John 11:20, 32). Can you imagine how Jesus felt?

Jesus had His reasons for waiting until Lazarus passed away to head toward Bethany. For one, the Jews wanted to stone Him in Judea, a town near Bethany. Plus, Jesus was always about completing the work of His Father by spreading the gospel which was reiterated to His earthly parents in Luke 2:49. Most importantly, Jesus would raise Lazarus from the dead to depict His own upcoming resurrection. He knew this would prompt the Jews to speed up the process of killing Him. So, He waited.

When Jesus arrived in Bethany, Lazarus "had already been in the tomb four days" (John 11:17). Mary and Martha spent at least seven days mourning the loss of their brother before he was laid in the tomb. By this time, "many of the Jews had joined the women around Mary and Martha to comfort them concerning their brother" (John 11:2).

Do you have friends who take the time to comfort you? Stop and thank God for those precious souls. Good friends are hard to come by these days!

Mary and Martha told Jesus if He had been there Lazarus would not have passed away.

Sometimes, we dare to believe the same. "If only I had been there, my husband wouldn't have died from a heart attack. If I had been there, my parent would have survived cancer. If only I had been there..."

Six little words that will haunt us for the rest of our lives.

But could you? I mean, seriously. Could you have saved someone who suffered a heart attack, drowned in a pool, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, or shot by a stray bullet? Or is the thought of fixing the tragedy a way of controlling something completely out of your hands?

Sometimes, when we grieve, it is easier to blame someone, including ourselves. Surely it was someone's fault why this happened when in my mind this was not meant to be. My father was not supposed to die this way. My husband was too young. These things happen to other people, but not to me. Oh, my friend, I want to hug you right now and tell you that this mind game comes from the enemy. He wants to keep you chained to your grief and shame.

As women, we always have a solution and a way to fix things. Sometimes in life, there are things out of our reach. Things we were never meant to "fix". But there is hope! Matthew 19:26 reminds us, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

After Jesus wept over His friend Lazarus, He asked the men to remove the stone (John 11:35, 39). Being resurrecting Lazarus to depict His own upcoming resurrection, He prayed to God and said, "Father, I thank You that You have heard Me."

My friend, Jesus hears you today. When you come to know Christ as your Lord and Savior, He takes our praises and concerns up to God our Father.

I challenge you to tell Jesus today what you are facing in this phase of grief. Where are you hurting? How do you need His help? Thank Him for how He is already working in your grief story.

Journal your thoughts. Read His Word. May I suggest starting in The Psalms? If anybody could relate to grief and pain, it was David.

I tell more about the story of Lazarus in my most popular devotional book, Dwell with Me: Growing in Your Spiritual Walk with Jesus. You can check out all my devotional books on my Amazon Store by clicking here.